Living between these four walls

We all remember where we were during the COVID lockdown. It brought an acute awareness of the physical and emotional surroundings in which we lived. For some, it brought a new awareness and connection with the nature on their doorstep. For others, the difficulties within family relationships became more acute. The process of moving house (at a time restrictions were slightly lifted), prompted a reflection on what makes up our ‘four walls’. The original was written before the release of the Disney film ‘Encanto’, but its central idea felt very similar - a household has its own identity that is created by and affects those who live in it in a way that defies description.  

I shared this with friends who were going through the moving process, which evolved into the idea for the ‘New Home’ card.’  

“I have spent so much time in the past year in the same four walls; working, eating, family life, any precious few minutes for leisure. It’s plenty of time to notice all the parts that need work, the niggles I can't seem to get fixed. Plenty of time to take comfort in all the material aspects that make it 'home'.

When we moved house, I found that the ‘walls’ in which I lived moved with me - the walls that surround the way that I think, feel and act. Sometimes they can feel as intractable as solid walls - but more often they feel like an interconnected web of relationships between everyone in my household, and the way in which we interact all together – connected to the world outside through an even more complex network of family and friends, school, community and work. 

“The new surroundings make a difference. There is more space, a bigger garden, and being more rural we enjoy a beautiful outlook and woods on the doorstep. We are incredibly fortunate. The space to breathe and the view enables more 'give' in our inner lives. It changes how the children play, how we will relate to others, and a closer connection to nature. The birdfeeders never cease to calm my soul. And yet, they don’t change the fundamentals. I remain comforted and reassured by the same kindnesses, habits of affection, or gestures of friendship. I am hemmed in by the same frustrations - at myself and at others: additional space has no meaning to young children wanting constant close physical companionship.

There is work to do in the new house - some of it routine, like tending the garden. Some is more drastic - changing internal walls. And there is work of all kinds to do on my inner four walls; my connections with family, with God, with the natural world, and my sense of self. That is true for all of us in our household, and between us we will create something beyond us all that has an evolving identity of its own which is ‘our house’.   

As I was weeding near the fence recently, trying to distract myself from aspects of the house and garden I don't enjoy, I had in mind some verses from Psalm 16 - "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance." And it reminded me that however I change or work on my physical house, and whatever happens in my relationships, I can take comfort from knowing they remain held within the unbreakable cords of love that is the foundation and sustenance of all life.”